Centre of M(y)ass

All of us know English is a wonderful language, and thats probably why it is being used for most of the business transactions all over the world. And thats also probably why it is the most badly used one as well.
Mishaps apart, many a time the user simply does not really understand the correct way of pronounciation (remember, this word is pro-nuns-e-a-shun and not otherwise). That was why the maid servant would not admit her son/daughter to the iscole(school). Or why the car-washing guy would ask for the bagudu(bucket!) or the cycle shop guy would charge me Rs. 80 for a new tip(tube!).
Sometimes its just bad spelling or wrong spelling, like "I had to go pick my dad from the airpot(airport)" or "The committee was worried as a hole(whole)". There are also instances where the inadequacy of the English language to express a sound completely(ask Mpumelelo Mbangwa).vazhi. It is also advised to avoid letting the auto driver "take you to your destiny"(destination).
Some cases arise due to irregular or no cleaning of tongue, leading to letters like p replaced with f. Typical of this would be a frofessor asking his students of a ferfect ferformance in the next exam. And the dhobi guy telling you that the rates for fants has increased.fretty fainful isnt it? Some letters are just replaced by people, which leads to natishcape(netscape), ishtik(stick) and dag(dog).
But it becomes tricky when the usage of call needs to be understood when i call up someone, call on a new ball bowler, call out for help, the usage of pull when i pull out of a tournament,pull up my socks and pull a hamstring, etc. Words like rendezvous and enterpreneur dont make things better.
So next time anyone tells me the verbal section in CAT is easier than the other sections, I will pull out a hammer and take him to his destiny.

Kenny's day out

There he sits in a corner place, far away from his mates and close to the window. Kenny looks dreamily at the computer in front of him.
Kenny is in Bangalore, the IT capital of India, on the seventh floor of a building belonging to a well known IT company. His training is going on and the day is very boring, usually no work and learning for an hour or more for the day. Tired of checking mails, reading the newspaper, chatting with his friends, checking mails, re-reading the newspaper... he looks through the window. He sees a distant aeroplane flying, lots of trees below him. He sees a cricket ground nearby,birds flying around the flood lights of the same. He sees clouds drift by, and their reflections through the glass of the outer parts of the building. He wonders, "Couldn't I have anything else in my life that could have been more interesting than this? Oh God! please listen to me, listen to my plea!".
He turns toward his desk, opens the drawer and closes it. His attention turns towards his watch. It ticks by, second after second, minute after minute. And just as he finishes thinking about it, he notices the watch has come to a halt.
Oh,no. Not again. The battery of this damn thing needs to be changed again. He looks at the clock on his desktop. It doesnt move as well. He waits for some time ,his eye glued to the clock. It doesnt move for a long time. Kenny is confused.
He looks through the window, and to his amazement, finds a huge grey cloud right in front of him, just outside the window. And instantaneously, a person clad in white appears before him sitting on the cloud, as though he came out of nowhere.
"I am God. Tell me what you want and I shall see what I can do."
Kenny scratches his eyes in disbelief. Does it again. Nothing special happens. Kenny thinks maybe its true!
Kenny: "Thank you for coming. I needed your help badly"
God: "What is it you want, my child?"
Kenny ponders for a while.
"I would like to be the ruler of the world".
God was taken aback. "Not possible. I dont have administrator rights myself".
"Aargh. All right. I would like to be Chief Minister of Karnataka".
"Why would you want a disk which already has bad sectors. I would not like to give you something so bad. Ask for something better", God said.
"Eh..What about CEO of this company?" Kenny replied.
"I do not have write access to the database,son. I would not be able to do it. If there is anything else I could do for you, like buy you some chocolate, or find you a good house to live in, or get you an A4 sheet...".
"A4 sheet???? Kiss mah black @ss!!".
God got infuriated by now. He plucked Kenny out of his seat, pulled him out of the window and dropped him from the seventh floor.
A person falling from such altitudes is destined go reach the God instantly. But Kenny got up, badly bruised.
Just then a big desktop fell from nearly the same heights as he fell from. Surely he was a goner.
But no, Kenny would survive to tell the story.
Nearly the same time he got up, a crow flying at about the building got cramped, lost flight and crash landed into the bleeding head of Kenny.
Oh! My God! You killed Kenny! You b4st4rds!