Kenny and the fat paunch

One day Kenny looks into the mirror..He can't see his trousers! whats blocking was the big bulge just under his chest(to make matters clear, it was the paunch).
"OMFG!", he uttered in disgust."I did not see this coming. My girlfriend will not stand me....My friends will make fun of it..Worse..they will play with it..".Fairly irritated, he started thinking options..
"Sex is a good exercise, more than good exercise..".He quickly realized he was in IIT(and that he was not gay)! "NTO,Plan B!".
"Running?...yeah maybe.." So he put on his running shoes and romped off to the stadium.About two weeks of constant,consistent,hard,regular,systematic,industrious and laborious effort made him feel disappointed.....Why?? He had gained a couple of kilos. " I must have eaten more food because of the exertion.........damn".
His girlfriend felt rather small in front of his tond.She packed him.
"Basketball??? yeah!".Kenny used to play some basketball in school.He could hone his baski skills here..Two more weeks and two more kilos!
"Bull shit!"..." It must have been the Njoi's,5 stars, DMC's, cooldrinks and water he drank must have kept his stomach full through the night."I do not understand".
People in his classes started calling him the adobe-acrobat man. Thats because their hand went in same mannerisms over his belly as the cursor of the above software, when clicked, would do."Screw you guys, I'm going home."
He decided to sit in his room and simply diet..He would eat lesser and in odd intervals. He gets addicted to a game called "Quake III Arena".He does well there.
Another two kilos. "Damn I was 74 when i entered IIT and now I am 80."
"Plan X!".He removed the mirror and sat down on his comp to play. "We don't take kindly to people who don't take kindly to people in here".

PS: Any resemblance to Mangalam Subramanian Ganesh is simply co-incidental and M.S.Ganesh is extremely proud of his paunch.

Interview, The

Yeah, I had to write about it..Without wasting much of space I shall take you to the scene..I'll call myself X to avoid extreme embarassment and the interviewer to be Y..
(After the formalities are done and the questioning has started)

Y: Could you speak about yourself for five minutes...
X: yeah..

It was after a couple of more seconds I realized I had to say something about myself...People had warned me of this first up question and I had to some extent prepared for this one..
As soon as I opened my auto-biography he switched his focus onto something under his desk..I went on though uninterrupted for the next forty five seconds..

Y: Is that all?
X: Yes,Sir.

Y: Whats your favourite Chemical Engineering topic?

I told him heat transfer, to which he asked me to write some basic law in heat transfer.Fair enough....I wrote what I think is called Fick's law..but I think I wrote it wrong (I said "I think " because I still do not know the law perfectly)..He did not really bother though...

Y: what is A in the equation?
X: Area, sir.
Y: And that would depend on length right?

For some apparent reason I said no..He gave me a snarl..

Y: Explain..

I drew a neat cylinder and marked length and radius..
Y: Whats the area of the cylinder?
X: pi...r....l
Y:????

A small 25 W bulb began to light the place bright..It was covering the top part of my brain..

X: 2..pi..r...l
Y: What about the circular area on both sides?

The bulb gained wattage....

X: 2..pi..r...l. plus 2...pi....r...square.
Y: whats the area of a circle?

We did not need tubelights in the room anymore.

The place quitened for a moment or two..I took a deep breath and switched off the bulb on top of my head.
The next one was on octane number of petrol..I clearly told him I did not know the octane number of the petrol available in the common petrol bunks..Sometimes its better to say no instead of saying yes..But he dwelled on the topic for a couple more minutes and the question shifted to knocking of engine.

Y: what causes knocking?
X: All I know is that it causes wear and tear to the engine and a higher octane number petrol gives lesser knocking.
Y: Did you know knocking was caused by combustion after incomplete compression?

Someone switched the bulb on again...
A few more questions I managed to ward off and he finally setlled for questions on programming skills.I knew C++ was my forte and I was way ahead of most of my friends who had also qualified.I dared to switch off the bulb again. His first question was one of the first I had answered in "Computer Science " in school ( Pl. note I got a merit certificate for 99% in CS in my XII board exams)..

Y: whats the difference between C and C++?

The bulb was on again...and glowing brighter than ever.
After looking at some of the projects I had done in C++, and a couple of questions on them, he made a stand on my technical knowledge....

Y: I dont think you know C or C++..

He finished the interview as quickly as possible. He must have laughed his skin out after I left the room..I felt sick and disgusted.I plucked out Tushar Garimalla's tie from my chest and threw it on my bed angrily..

X: I probably don't deserve IBM.

PS: Tushar's tie had maintained 100% success rate till two interviews after I got into IBM India.

All's well with hell

Save me here,whats the problem,
Tell me the truth or i will die,
I seem to have wings ,
But i cant fly.

Lift me,show me,
The reason for this block,
Am i not standing on ground,
Can't i even walk?

I can see the sky blue,
I can see the shore brown,
And even if i try to swim,
Why am i going to drown.

Pull me up, push me out
Relieve me of this pressure,intense
The light is dying out fast
And i need to make some sense.

IITM southpark??

It all started with a guy called Kenny…It was in the laboratory that Kenny used to spend his free time playing with dangerous chemicals..But hardly did he realize that he had been sub-consciously thinking about the “human clone” and had been working so hard, he had amalgamated X and Y, and got the recipe for cloning!
Waking up from the day dream(hang on, hang on. This is not the part where I start with something interesting and tell all readers it was a dream..) he saw the chemicals he had put together, chemical X and chemical Y, and thought….”Hah, this is the recipe I needed..now there will be no need to crib about sex ratios in IIT.I will clone as many females as I want and as my as friends want…but wait”..As he spoke, his eye scanned over chemical Z..”Ah, what if I add Z?”.
After some tedious calculations, he found ..”Damn, this is going to give a man twice his normal speed..Maybe I could sneak in to the mess worker’s place and give them some of this, they might make those ridiculous dosa’s that little bit faster”..
Happily he picked up the phone nearby to call his hostel mess secretary, when he saw chemical Z1 (my fault…I started with X..sorry) ..”Does this mean..I add Z1 and…Oh! that would make the human brain so fast that time would travel extremely slow… like in the matrix…Exactly what we guys want in the exams..this gives us ample time to crash peacefully and yet cash in the quiz…and..hey is that chemical Z2?”
Yeah…Kenny did that again.”wow!, this is great! With Z2 also diffused into it, I can modify my gene structure…I can become the Dean of the institute, I can change all rules and regulations…I can allow vandi’s to enter the institute, remove fitting workshop, reduce slots in a day…and.”
His enthusiasm had reached a maximum..Quickly he grabbed all the chemicals and simply dumped into the reactor..nothing happened..
“Aah..reaction temperature!” He switched on the heater and increased the temperature to 650K..

“Reaction pressure,ob”..he turned towards the pressure guage..pressure was fine..but why wasn’t anything happening?

“Probably catalyst?”he just arbitrarily dumped everything around him into the reactor..”Anything could serve as a catalyst”.

And poof!bamm!wham!(get reminded of those batman comics…silly,ain’t they?) and there was a huge explosion..

Hey this blog is getting out of hand. So I had to kill Kenny..
And IITM continued to function as normal……